Been up since 4:30 this morning, probably because I'm anxious about the holiday. I watched the first half hour of Bridget Jones's Diary and then had some french toast-mmm. It's 6:30 now. Maybe I'll go for a walk.
22.12.04
17.12.04
Thoughts
My mind keeps spinning with the thought of the upcoming holiday and break in my routine. I have so much trouble adjusting to an environment other than my own for more than a four-day period. Somehow it really feels like the end of something, and I mean more than just the semester. I will miss commuting to Selinsgrove early in the morning and again in the evening with Zach. I will miss my familiar routine.
In January I start a new one; teaching at a new school, babysitting for a new family in addition to the one I already babysit for, beginning work on my dissertation, rearranging different appointments, and finding time for myself. It's also been nearly one year since my bout with major depression. It's still hard for me to even say it.
That didn't happen to me. I could have handled it better. Who am I to label myself with that, because doing so would admit to my self-worth and importance as a person, and I certainly didn't feel worthy of anything last year at this time.
I'm learning to feel worthy and to have respect for myself. I'm learning to take up space in the world, both literally and figuratively speaking.
In January I start a new one; teaching at a new school, babysitting for a new family in addition to the one I already babysit for, beginning work on my dissertation, rearranging different appointments, and finding time for myself. It's also been nearly one year since my bout with major depression. It's still hard for me to even say it.
That didn't happen to me. I could have handled it better. Who am I to label myself with that, because doing so would admit to my self-worth and importance as a person, and I certainly didn't feel worthy of anything last year at this time.
I'm learning to feel worthy and to have respect for myself. I'm learning to take up space in the world, both literally and figuratively speaking.
4.12.04
Bathroom Privacy Comes with a Cost
Last week I babysat Maya, my usual Thursday morning routine. The reason I'm mentioning this now is because Maya is just over 2 years old, and has recently been potty trained. Needless to say, we spend lots of time in the bathroom.
During our first round on the toilet, she informed me that she needed privacy, so I slid the door shut all but a crack and asked if that was good. "No" she said, "it's not good. All the way". Three and a half minutes later I heard the toilet flush three consecutive times in a row, one after the other, one, two, three.
I opened the door to find Maya standing there, mind you, naked from the waist down peering into the toilet. She looked up at me with her big, blue eyes, pleading for my forgiveness, desperately trying to get rid of the evidence. When I looked down, I saw a clump of tissues floating in the rising water. The box on top of the toilet was empty. I can't get mad at her, because I remember doing stuff like that when I was her age, and, besides, it could have been far worse than tissues. So instead I decided to reason with her, and I explicitly explained to her how tissues cost money, and that it's not good to just throw them away like that, because they're not cheap. That's logical, right? By my reasoning, if she's old enough to request privacy in the bathroom, then she's old enough to understand the value of a dollar.
She blinked up at me and then turned to play in the running water in the sink.
Reminder to self: Only allow a two-year old privacy in the bathroom if she can understand the cost of diminishing returns, monetary value, cash deficit, and price ceilings.
During our first round on the toilet, she informed me that she needed privacy, so I slid the door shut all but a crack and asked if that was good. "No" she said, "it's not good. All the way". Three and a half minutes later I heard the toilet flush three consecutive times in a row, one after the other, one, two, three.
I opened the door to find Maya standing there, mind you, naked from the waist down peering into the toilet. She looked up at me with her big, blue eyes, pleading for my forgiveness, desperately trying to get rid of the evidence. When I looked down, I saw a clump of tissues floating in the rising water. The box on top of the toilet was empty. I can't get mad at her, because I remember doing stuff like that when I was her age, and, besides, it could have been far worse than tissues. So instead I decided to reason with her, and I explicitly explained to her how tissues cost money, and that it's not good to just throw them away like that, because they're not cheap. That's logical, right? By my reasoning, if she's old enough to request privacy in the bathroom, then she's old enough to understand the value of a dollar.
She blinked up at me and then turned to play in the running water in the sink.
Reminder to self: Only allow a two-year old privacy in the bathroom if she can understand the cost of diminishing returns, monetary value, cash deficit, and price ceilings.
2.12.04
Tagesablauf
German-(loosely translated as) The unfolding of the day
I realized today that it's been almost two weeks since I last posted anything. So to summarize what those last two weeks have been like, Thanksgiving was pretty good, I'm tired of turkey, the semester can't end soon enough, I don't always know what day it is, and sometimes I get my classes mixed up and make mistakes in creating their exams, specifically on the vocab section where I give my German 2 students words from my German 3 class, and still don't realize that I made that mistake until a student points it out to me halfway through the exam, there are too many crappy holiday songs on the radio interfering with my music, I've seen The Grinch 5 times on TBS already, and I hope to see it 5 more times!, I've eaten pounds of sweet, juicy clementines, and all of a sudden I really want a kitten. I guess I'll wait until I have my own house for that or at least a lease which allows for pets. I am happiest when I'm driving home from school with Zach, and we talk, listen to the news, but mostly we listen to music, discuss what we'll have for dinner, and watch the reflection of the light on the clouds in the sky, as it goes from light to dark, from light blue to yellow and orange and then to dark blue, with the clouds silhouetted against it. And then there are the mountains and the fir trees all around us. It's all so beautiful, peaceful, serene, awesome, humbling, and somehow sad, and it makes me want to drive forever.
I realized today that it's been almost two weeks since I last posted anything. So to summarize what those last two weeks have been like, Thanksgiving was pretty good, I'm tired of turkey, the semester can't end soon enough, I don't always know what day it is, and sometimes I get my classes mixed up and make mistakes in creating their exams, specifically on the vocab section where I give my German 2 students words from my German 3 class, and still don't realize that I made that mistake until a student points it out to me halfway through the exam, there are too many crappy holiday songs on the radio interfering with my music, I've seen The Grinch 5 times on TBS already, and I hope to see it 5 more times!, I've eaten pounds of sweet, juicy clementines, and all of a sudden I really want a kitten. I guess I'll wait until I have my own house for that or at least a lease which allows for pets. I am happiest when I'm driving home from school with Zach, and we talk, listen to the news, but mostly we listen to music, discuss what we'll have for dinner, and watch the reflection of the light on the clouds in the sky, as it goes from light to dark, from light blue to yellow and orange and then to dark blue, with the clouds silhouetted against it. And then there are the mountains and the fir trees all around us. It's all so beautiful, peaceful, serene, awesome, humbling, and somehow sad, and it makes me want to drive forever.
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