Take that!

How in the world does anyone know what's real and what in life is worth taking the time to further explore or attend to?! I'm sure that question could be answered by Nietzsche, Kant or Christ himself, but in my agitated state I'm in no mood to read and decipher what these dead guys have philosophized in regard to the meaning of life. But how is a feeling real? I suppose it's only as real as we choose to make it, as real as the amount of credence we give to it. So, I could try to ignore the feelings, not wanting them to be there in the first place, because who the hell wants to feel anxious and fearful? Or I can acknowledge them and admit to what I'm feeling. I'm good at ignoring them, but not so good as admitting that I even have them, let alone which ones I'm feeling. It's like I'm embarrassed to be as human as everyone else on this earth. That pisses me off, because who the hell do I think I am that I'm beyond human feeling and fault! And then I just want to ignore my feelings again and retreat, but there really aren't too many places to retreat to. And so my agitation grows. So I'll talk about it. I don't really know what to say, other than I'm not feeling well right now. But then what more is there to say? I have this constant and persistently annoying need to explain myself. I feel like crap and I'm pissed off, and I have no explanation. So there. Take that. I'm not sure who or what is taking it, but it's not you, Nancy!