Luke is now walking. Last night he stood up, raised his shoulders in preparation, and took 6-7 wobbly steps toward me while grinning from ear to ear. Then he lunged into my arms. I'm not surprised that he's walking. He's been trying to do it for months now. As soon as he learned how to crawl on all fours, he discovered that he could pull himself up and cruise. He's 10 months now. I am definitely a proud mama, if you couldn't already tell. He also likes to shriek when he's happy or upset. He has a few words: Mama, Dada, "Aai" (hi), and "eh-eh" (uh-oh). He loves to wave and clap.
I am tired but doing well. I've been busy going out to various play dates. At Luke's age, the play dates are more for me than him. Although he enjoys exploring the knobs, drawers, doors and curtains of other people's homes.
25.1.08
15.1.08
A New Year
Yesterday marked the 3rd anniversary of my sister Ashley's death. The only thing I could think was that I can't believe it's been three years already; I haven't talked to her in over three years. Life is so precious and so easy to take for granted. I think about how fragile our existence really is. At the same time, I still fall prey to the daily grind. I still get annoyed by little things. Most of the time I am grateful for the little annoyances, though, because it means nothing big is wrong.
We got about 6 inches of snow yesterday. When it stopped, Zach and Luke and I walked down to the coffee shop and the local bookstore. It was all very cozy. Here are two pictures of Luke doing two of his favorite things-"eating" an apple and swinging.
We got about 6 inches of snow yesterday. When it stopped, Zach and Luke and I walked down to the coffee shop and the local bookstore. It was all very cozy. Here are two pictures of Luke doing two of his favorite things-"eating" an apple and swinging.
5.12.07
Batteries Not Required
We are all very excited about Luke's first Christmas. I bought him one gift, a set of wooden blocks, and Zach bought him one, a wooden puzzle. I gave him the blocks today, because I am bored with his other toys. Luke mainly likes to play with a little, red push car that he can walk behind, the muffin pan in the kitchen cabinet, and shoe laces. Luke, like all babies, doesn't discriminate between his toys and big-people stuff. I, however, am very particular about his toys. I like things like wooden blocks, stacking cups, soft baby dolls, and books. Luke has one battery operated toy, and that's a drum his cousin gave him because he loved it so much. Call me a toy snob, if you will, but I don't think Luke will feel deprived at Christmastime.
19.11.07
More Positives
Per Nancy's request, here are some more great things about some wonderful people I know.
Nancy- Knows how to take charge of a situation and make decisions. She is very thoughtful and loves to talk and be around close friends. She is very sensitive, captivating, and charming, not to mention pretty.
Zach- He is very caring, and wants to make sure his family and friends are taken care of. He is inquisitive, ambitious and efficient. He has beautiful, hazel eyes.
Myself- (I figured I needed to give myself a few accolades here as well.) I am very organized. I love a challenge, such as running a marathon or switching over to cloth diapers. I am resourceful, reliable, and sometimes overly anxious. I am often torn between wanting to be alone or around others. I find I prefer being around others, especially since Luke has come into my life. He has been teaching me how to give and take 24/7.
Nancy- Knows how to take charge of a situation and make decisions. She is very thoughtful and loves to talk and be around close friends. She is very sensitive, captivating, and charming, not to mention pretty.
Zach- He is very caring, and wants to make sure his family and friends are taken care of. He is inquisitive, ambitious and efficient. He has beautiful, hazel eyes.
Myself- (I figured I needed to give myself a few accolades here as well.) I am very organized. I love a challenge, such as running a marathon or switching over to cloth diapers. I am resourceful, reliable, and sometimes overly anxious. I am often torn between wanting to be alone or around others. I find I prefer being around others, especially since Luke has come into my life. He has been teaching me how to give and take 24/7.
15.11.07
Accentuating the Positive
It's very easy most times to dwell on the negative aspects of life. I've been thinking about Luke's extended family a lot lately, and there are so many great things I want him to know about all of his relatives.
On his paternal side:
Papa is a great conversationalist and can take up a dialogue with just about anybody.
Nane is very passionate about many things in life, and she loves books.
Aunt Jessica is very easy-going about many things that may make others upset, and she goes after what she wants in life.
Uncle Josh can pick up the pieces when life throws them about and has a great sense of humor.
On Luke's maternal side:
Oma has a great sense of humor and can make others laugh when times are tense. She is very sociable.
Opa is very calm and collected and knows how to fix many things. He's also a great cook
Aunt Alyssa is very deliberate in her actions and takes her time doing things. She is intelligent.
Aunt Ashley was a good resource for local happenings and involved in her community. She never took any nonsense from anybody.
These are just a few things that come to mind. It's refreshing to remember the good things about people from time to time.
On his paternal side:
Papa is a great conversationalist and can take up a dialogue with just about anybody.
Nane is very passionate about many things in life, and she loves books.
Aunt Jessica is very easy-going about many things that may make others upset, and she goes after what she wants in life.
Uncle Josh can pick up the pieces when life throws them about and has a great sense of humor.
On Luke's maternal side:
Oma has a great sense of humor and can make others laugh when times are tense. She is very sociable.
Opa is very calm and collected and knows how to fix many things. He's also a great cook
Aunt Alyssa is very deliberate in her actions and takes her time doing things. She is intelligent.
Aunt Ashley was a good resource for local happenings and involved in her community. She never took any nonsense from anybody.
These are just a few things that come to mind. It's refreshing to remember the good things about people from time to time.
13.11.07
Laying down the Foundation
Luke is almost 8 months old, and I can't help but think about the little boy, teenager and man he will become. How will what I do now as a parent affect him at each stage of his life? Of course every parent wants their child to be happy, healthy and successful in life, but what defines those things? I also know that it is impossible to ensure your own happiness let alone somebody else's happiness, because life can be full of sorrow and hardship. My years of suffering depression have shed some light on the issue of happiness in life. I've said this before, and it's important for me to remember, and so I say it again; the opposite of depression is not happiness but resilience. So how do I raise my son to be resilient? I want for him to make reasonably good decisions in life when it comes to the important stuff. This is what I'm struggling with right now. Just what is the important stuff? Right now it is developing healthy eating habits and learning how to socialize and communicate with me. I suppose these things change with time, and that they build on each other. I don't want him to watch lots of t.v. and eat lots of junk food, so I model my eating habits for him and keep the t.v. off for most of the day. On the other hand, junk food and t.v. are a part of our culture, so I don't want to ignore these things. I want to teach Luke about moderation, and I hope that he will like apples, fresh mango, and ripe avocado, and running around outside in the fresh air. I suppose at some point I will have to realize where my influence begins and ends, and let Luke make his own decisions.
9.11.07
Eating Broccoli
Luke really wants to do what the big people do, so that includes eating big-people food and attempting to walk. He holds onto my hands and takes steps around the living room. The only problem is that he has little to no balance. I want to place his hands on the edge of the futon so that he can "cruise" on his own, but he will fall backwards, as he has done on occasion. I feel awful when that happens.
If you look closely, you can see his two teeth in this shot.
If you look closely, you can see his two teeth in this shot.
7.11.07
Title
So I decided to change the title of this blog. The old title felt outdated. It was a remnant from times past, from my days as a graduate student studying German lit., and I felt like I needed a change. I'm not sure I'll keep this current title, but I like it for now. I sing this song to Luke on a daily basis, and so much of my day is directed at Luke, that it feels like an appropriate title. Sometimes I forget that I am a separate being from Luke, and I think that's a good thing early on when Luke and I were finding each other's rhythm. I was inspired by a post at Sweet Juniper yesterday about staying at home with your baby/toddler. This non-self proclaimed stay at home dad calls himself a professional daydreamer, and I like that.
5.11.07
Home with Colds
I always think I need to have something really interesting to say in order to post, but that may never happen. I also have limited blog time, which occurs when Luke is napping and I have already gotten ready for the day. I noticed that Nancy has been posting daily, and others, too, through the month of November. It's a great idea, and, though I won't be posting daily, it's inspired me to post now. I am still at a loss for what to write about, but I figure if I just keep punching away at the keys, something will come to mind.
* * * * * * *
I'm reading a book that was recommended to me by the proprietress of a store in Salem called "Crunchy Granola Babies". You can probably garner what kind of products are sold in the store. The book is called "Our Babies, Ourselves How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" written by Meredith Small. It was published almost 10 years ago, and I don't know how I haven't come upon this book before now. It's a fascinating book with some snippets of childrearing in different cultures and how infants are hardwired to act in a way that's evolved over time and that really does make sense. I can't even begin to do this book justice here, especially because I haven't finished it yet. I can say that it's made me think more than usual about the way we do things as parents and how there might be alternatives to the usual and accepted ways. There are chapters on infant sleep, feeding, and crying, and I've already read ahead to the part on sleep. Pediatricians, parents, grandparents and sleep experts in the US all have very pointed ideas on how and where babies should sleep. The only thing I want to say is that a lot of it is based on fad and tradition, and that parents and babies need to listen to each other, not all the Dr. Spocks of the world.
Naptime is over, and so is my blogtime.
Until next time...
* * * * * * *
I'm reading a book that was recommended to me by the proprietress of a store in Salem called "Crunchy Granola Babies". You can probably garner what kind of products are sold in the store. The book is called "Our Babies, Ourselves How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" written by Meredith Small. It was published almost 10 years ago, and I don't know how I haven't come upon this book before now. It's a fascinating book with some snippets of childrearing in different cultures and how infants are hardwired to act in a way that's evolved over time and that really does make sense. I can't even begin to do this book justice here, especially because I haven't finished it yet. I can say that it's made me think more than usual about the way we do things as parents and how there might be alternatives to the usual and accepted ways. There are chapters on infant sleep, feeding, and crying, and I've already read ahead to the part on sleep. Pediatricians, parents, grandparents and sleep experts in the US all have very pointed ideas on how and where babies should sleep. The only thing I want to say is that a lot of it is based on fad and tradition, and that parents and babies need to listen to each other, not all the Dr. Spocks of the world.
Naptime is over, and so is my blogtime.
Until next time...
18.10.07
Our Days Together
Luke turns 7 months old today.
He sleeps through the night now, and I wake up at 3:00 a.m. not knowing what to do with myself.
He has two teeth.
He likes to test his vocal chords by yelling and growling.
Sometimes he likes to eat food. Yogurt is his new favorite food. He also likes little bites of bagel with cream cheese.
He moves in a circle on his hands and knees.
He plays with his toys and waves both hands in the air. He likes to bang things together.
He gives me open-mouth kisses on my chin. Sometimes he bites down.
He loves to snuggle and hates to be left alone.
I like to sing him songs and read him stories.
I watch him sleep.
I imitate his sounds.
I talk to him all day long, so much so that my voice starts to get sore.
I play with him on the floor.
I take him swimming at the Y once a week.
We walk to the park or the beach.
When/IF he naps, I like to read my own books, cook, watch t.v. or nap right along with him.
Our days are full, and sometimes mundane, but, more often than not, interesting and bright.
9.10.07
In case anybody still checks my blog, "Look! I've posted!"
Okay, so it's been almost an entire year since I've posted anything here. I really wanted to get rid of the lovely belly shots that come up every time I look at my blog, which admittedly isn't very often.
So, here is my "welcome back to blogging post", although I still can't guarantee much, not with a 6 1/2 month old crawling around my feet. I had a boy. His name is Luke, and he's incredible. At first I didn't know what I would do with a boy, and now I don't know what I would do without him. He's very cuddly, and he doesn't really cry. He yells whenever he wants something or needs us. He also growls and makes other scary noises. He sits up, eats, sleeps, poops, and giggles a lot. He doesn't miss a trick.
In other news, Zoe, the family dog, died this past Sunday. She was almost 11 years old and had a very good life. It's still sad. I'm 400 miles away, and it still makes me cry. No more walks and howls when I walk through the door. She was Ashley's dog, so I like to think that the two of them are together again.
Here's to hoping I can post more often.
So, here is my "welcome back to blogging post", although I still can't guarantee much, not with a 6 1/2 month old crawling around my feet. I had a boy. His name is Luke, and he's incredible. At first I didn't know what I would do with a boy, and now I don't know what I would do without him. He's very cuddly, and he doesn't really cry. He yells whenever he wants something or needs us. He also growls and makes other scary noises. He sits up, eats, sleeps, poops, and giggles a lot. He doesn't miss a trick.
In other news, Zoe, the family dog, died this past Sunday. She was almost 11 years old and had a very good life. It's still sad. I'm 400 miles away, and it still makes me cry. No more walks and howls when I walk through the door. She was Ashley's dog, so I like to think that the two of them are together again.
Here's to hoping I can post more often.
11.12.06
8.11.06
Belly Shots
16 Weeks
20 Weeks
I am now almost 22 weeks, and quite a bit bigger. The baby, a boy!, is pushing outward now. I've gained about 10 pounds, and he's already about 1 pound.
30.8.06
I haven't started taking pictures of my belly yet, but here's some other baby stuff
I now have an excuse for making mistakes, and I don't mean being blonde. Actually, I am (usually) disturbingly organized and on top of things. Lately, in the office, I've been making goofy mistakes, like mistaking the "M" or "F" written after a child's name for Monday and Friday. My director laughed at me when I asked her if those were the days the child was attending the after school program. So we determined that the baby is sapping me of precious brain cells. I keep trying anyway. I've done gone and booked myself solid with appointments over the next three weeks-ob/gyn, WIC, visiting nurse, and dentist among others. This will be my first dental visit in 7 years, that is if I remember to go. Wish me luck.
In other pregnancy news...
*Women at work who never so much as glanced in my direction are now telling me pregnancy and birth stories. I'm about three months along, but am not even showing yet. What will happen once I have a belly? I'm bracing myself already for all the stories I will hear from strangers and all the unwanted hands I will have touching my belly. Actually, I don't mind the nice and funny stories. I haven't heard any real horror stories yet.
*I've been eating dinner at 4:00 the past few days, and I love anything with tomatoes and ketchup. I haven't experienced a lot of hunger yet, but I get glimpses of it. I definately have cravings and food aversions.
*My bust is about 3 inches larger than normal. Wow.
*My waist is about 1 inch larger.
*I get up a lot in the middle of the night to pee. Already.
*I'm still really tired, and I haven't run in over two months. I walk instead.
In other pregnancy news...
*Women at work who never so much as glanced in my direction are now telling me pregnancy and birth stories. I'm about three months along, but am not even showing yet. What will happen once I have a belly? I'm bracing myself already for all the stories I will hear from strangers and all the unwanted hands I will have touching my belly. Actually, I don't mind the nice and funny stories. I haven't heard any real horror stories yet.
*I've been eating dinner at 4:00 the past few days, and I love anything with tomatoes and ketchup. I haven't experienced a lot of hunger yet, but I get glimpses of it. I definately have cravings and food aversions.
*My bust is about 3 inches larger than normal. Wow.
*My waist is about 1 inch larger.
*I get up a lot in the middle of the night to pee. Already.
*I'm still really tired, and I haven't run in over two months. I walk instead.
24.8.06
Pregnancy Update
Zach and I have been on Cape Cod visiting his family for the past 4 days, and we'll be here until Sunday, the last day of our vacation. Monday Zach starts teaching and I have to go into work for the first time in over two weeks to start planning for the fall afterschool program. I keep reminding myself every morning to enjoy the moment and relax, and then maybe I'll feel ready to go back to work. I'll let you know how that plan works out.
In the meantime, we've been visiting Zach's family, including his very-pregnant (37 weeks along) sister and his cousin who is 2 months postpartum, adjusting to life with a two-month old and an almost-2-year old. I still find it hard to believe that I'll be that pregnant in as little as 2 more months, and that I'll have a real, live baby in less than 7 months. I haven't gained any weight yet. In fact, I lost about 2 pounds the first two months, but I may have regained that by now. According to some weight tables about pregnancy, I'm underweight. My bmi is about 18, and should be 20. It has never been 20 in my life. I was a bit anxious about it all for the first few weeks, and I was eating frequently trying to make up for it. I eat until I feel Thanksgiving- day stuffed, and then I'm uncomfortable. I don't think I'm eating that much, it's just the gas and bloating that makes it feel that way. I'm eating a healthy diet, and I think I need to trust my body and let it do what it knows how to do. I'm sure the weight will come, and then I won't want it.
In the meantime, we've been visiting Zach's family, including his very-pregnant (37 weeks along) sister and his cousin who is 2 months postpartum, adjusting to life with a two-month old and an almost-2-year old. I still find it hard to believe that I'll be that pregnant in as little as 2 more months, and that I'll have a real, live baby in less than 7 months. I haven't gained any weight yet. In fact, I lost about 2 pounds the first two months, but I may have regained that by now. According to some weight tables about pregnancy, I'm underweight. My bmi is about 18, and should be 20. It has never been 20 in my life. I was a bit anxious about it all for the first few weeks, and I was eating frequently trying to make up for it. I eat until I feel Thanksgiving- day stuffed, and then I'm uncomfortable. I don't think I'm eating that much, it's just the gas and bloating that makes it feel that way. I'm eating a healthy diet, and I think I need to trust my body and let it do what it knows how to do. I'm sure the weight will come, and then I won't want it.
18.8.06
An Eeyore kind of day
Yesterday I went ALL THE WAY (not a bad one to two mile walk, when you're not pregnant. I drove half way and walked half way.) up to campus in order to deposit a few checks in the campus credit union atm. My work doesn't have direct deposit, and my bank is 130 miles away. The computers were down at the bank yesterday, so the machines were all off line. **sigh** A useless trip. I went up again today, and this time I was denied the deposit transaction, although I could still take money out. I just activated my new debit card yesterday and cut up the old one. Argh.
Next I decided I would fill up my car with gas, because Zach and I are driving out to Cape Cod on Sunday to visit his parents for a week. The gas tank door is jammed shut again. We had it "fixed" a few days ago at the Toyota dealer. Apparentely a spring had gone bad. You can't just open the door like on a normal car. Instead you have to release it by a small lever inside the car next to the trunk release. It's not working.
So then I thought I'd call my new health insurance company (because it's always calming to speak to a health insurance co. agent, no? I just wanted to get it out of the way.) to see what mental health coverage they provide and if I can still continue to see Janet, my therapist, when my new coverage begins. It turns out Health America is switching to a new provider who probably won't cover any of the $100.00 sessions. I currently pay $30.00 a session. I'm sure she and I can work some payment plan out, or maybe this is a good time to terminate, as they say in the mental health field. I think I've gotten as much as I could expect out of 4 years of therapy, and I'm happy with where I'm at now. Sometimes it's just nice to have that weekly or bi-monthly hour-long session to sort things out.
Despite it all, I can still see the bright side, the Pooh side, of things, too.
There are plenty of things that have gone right lately. I signed up for WIC, and am now getting $10-$20.00 worth of milk and juice each week, and cheese, cereal and peanut butter each month for free. I also got 4 $5.00 checks to use at farmer's markets for fresh produce. Today I bought a yellow and green pepper, a sweet onion, garlic, and hot peppers to make a chicken stir fry for dinner. I also picked up some DVDs from the library, and if I don't feel too nauseous tonight, maybe I can stay up until 10:00 watching them with Zach. Did I mention that I'll be in Cape Cod for a week? That's worth something. I'm surprisingly calm about all of the things that have gone wrong. They could be worse. But just to make it all better I'm eating the last chocolate chip cookie (the last 3, actually).
Next I decided I would fill up my car with gas, because Zach and I are driving out to Cape Cod on Sunday to visit his parents for a week. The gas tank door is jammed shut again. We had it "fixed" a few days ago at the Toyota dealer. Apparentely a spring had gone bad. You can't just open the door like on a normal car. Instead you have to release it by a small lever inside the car next to the trunk release. It's not working.
So then I thought I'd call my new health insurance company (because it's always calming to speak to a health insurance co. agent, no? I just wanted to get it out of the way.) to see what mental health coverage they provide and if I can still continue to see Janet, my therapist, when my new coverage begins. It turns out Health America is switching to a new provider who probably won't cover any of the $100.00 sessions. I currently pay $30.00 a session. I'm sure she and I can work some payment plan out, or maybe this is a good time to terminate, as they say in the mental health field. I think I've gotten as much as I could expect out of 4 years of therapy, and I'm happy with where I'm at now. Sometimes it's just nice to have that weekly or bi-monthly hour-long session to sort things out.
Despite it all, I can still see the bright side, the Pooh side, of things, too.
There are plenty of things that have gone right lately. I signed up for WIC, and am now getting $10-$20.00 worth of milk and juice each week, and cheese, cereal and peanut butter each month for free. I also got 4 $5.00 checks to use at farmer's markets for fresh produce. Today I bought a yellow and green pepper, a sweet onion, garlic, and hot peppers to make a chicken stir fry for dinner. I also picked up some DVDs from the library, and if I don't feel too nauseous tonight, maybe I can stay up until 10:00 watching them with Zach. Did I mention that I'll be in Cape Cod for a week? That's worth something. I'm surprisingly calm about all of the things that have gone wrong. They could be worse. But just to make it all better I'm eating the last chocolate chip cookie (the last 3, actually).
16.8.06
In a Nutshell
There's so much to say that I hardly know where to begin. First of all, I did try to log on to Blogger to update last week, but it was during the 45 minute period they were shut down due to maintenance. I got discouraged and didn't try again until now. Here's a quick run down of everything I want to mention.
* Today is Zach's and my 3rd wedding anniversary. We will go out to eat tonight, but it has to be before 6 p.m., after which I need to go to bed. I am already cranky today. It may be from the cold/allergies I have. I was never good at telling them apart.
* Last weekend I went to a lesbian wedding up in NH. No, it's not legal there, but they had already gotten married in MA last November and just had the ceremony along Lake Winnepesauki ("What About Bob?"). It was a beautiful wedding and a beautiful setting.
* Last week I had my first appointment with the midwife, and we saw the heart beating. This office routinely does an early ultrasound, which was totally awesome. The embryo looks to be about the size of a large cashew, as Zach says, and everything looks perfect, said the midwife. I started to get teary-eyed, but everytime I moved it shifted the image, so I had to stay as still as possible. I was also told that the morning sickness should not get any worse at this point, and should start to wear off in about 3 more weeks. I am getting tired of feeling crappy, but I know it's all for a good reason.
* Today is Zach's and my 3rd wedding anniversary. We will go out to eat tonight, but it has to be before 6 p.m., after which I need to go to bed. I am already cranky today. It may be from the cold/allergies I have. I was never good at telling them apart.
* Last weekend I went to a lesbian wedding up in NH. No, it's not legal there, but they had already gotten married in MA last November and just had the ceremony along Lake Winnepesauki ("What About Bob?"). It was a beautiful wedding and a beautiful setting.
* Last week I had my first appointment with the midwife, and we saw the heart beating. This office routinely does an early ultrasound, which was totally awesome. The embryo looks to be about the size of a large cashew, as Zach says, and everything looks perfect, said the midwife. I started to get teary-eyed, but everytime I moved it shifted the image, so I had to stay as still as possible. I was also told that the morning sickness should not get any worse at this point, and should start to wear off in about 3 more weeks. I am getting tired of feeling crappy, but I know it's all for a good reason.
27.7.06
7:30 Thursday Night
This past week has marked the beginning of morning sickness. I haven't actually vomited, but I feel nauseous nearly ALL DAY LOOOONG. This morning was the worst. I laid down on the grass at work and finally went to my car to take an hour-long nap, but not before calling the advice nurse in desparation for some advice and relief. In short, there is none. She suggested doing what I have been doing-sipping ginger ale, eating crackers and other bland foods, and eating small, frequent meals to avoid a dip in my blood sugar and headaches. I felt remarkably better by noon, and even ate the chicken noodle soup one of the girls at work bought for me. It is hard to eat, but when I do, it's foods I don't normally eat-french fries, grilled cheese, beef vegetable soup, and pizza. I haven't had a piece of fruit in over a week, and normally I'm the 2-a-day girl along with 3 servings of vegetables and the "right" amounts of every other food group. My diet is turned on its head. I walked throught the grocery store tonight with Zach looking at foods and determing what I might want to eat in the next few days by my gag reflex. If I could look at it and didn't feel like wretching, then I might be able to eat it. That list included: chicken and beef soups, black beans, canned sweet potatoes, cream of wheat, and fruit popsicles. Sometimes I can also tolerate cheese. It's nearing my bedtime, which is at about 8:00 now, so I need to shower and get ready for tomorrow. More to come soon...
16.7.06
5 Weeks
Today I am five weeks pregnant. I am cautious, anxious, and very excited right now. I know it's early, but I still wanted to share the news. I'm feeling pretty good, only slightly nauseous with slightly irritated bowels. There'll be plenty more to come later (in the way of both news and symptoms, I'm sure).
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